Yesterday, I planned a leave of absence (starting July 9). I didn't cry, but I did get angry. I had harsh words for sick me and a complete lack of compassion. "You just can't cut it any more. You blew it." (Thankfully, my amazing boss doesn't feel the same way.)
Last week, my kids told me I'm not fun anymore. There's a distance that's growing between us. Because they don't understand all that's happening, and because I do need the long naps that make them feel alone.
I'm being forced to endure a lot that upsets me lately -- and I feel powerless. I feel like screaming: I don't want this. I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS! I don't want to be sick. I don't want to be weak --- physically or emotionally.
And then God whispers to me. "You do have Power. You do have Strength. You do have choices. Choose to think differently."
- You're choosing to get your hair cut so it's not as shocking for the kids later.
- You're choosing to take time off to focus on getting well and allowing My work to continue at the hand of someone talented and competent... because you know My mission is more important than your pride.
- You're choosing to honor your body's need for rest. This illness is temporary.
Changing my thinking changed everything. You may need to change your thinking, too.
- "I'm trapped in a difficult marriage. No, I'm choosing to stay and do the hard work." (Unless abuse is involved, then choose to find safety.)
- "I'm boxed in at a job I hate. No, I'm choosing to stay until I find something else because I need to pay my bills."
- "My husband leaves me alone while he travels for work. No, I'm choosing to be a stay-at-home mom and what I do is important."
- "Now everyone knows about my mental illness or addiction. So be it. I'm choosing to hold my head high and get well."
- "I'm stuck with an elderly parent. No, I'm choosing to care for a loved one."
How do you need to change your thinking? Perspective is everything. Our biggest battles are fought -- and won -- in our minds.
"Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
My medical fund can be found on a YouCaring site. Any small donation is a big blessing.