Monday, June 22, 2015

Scared

I had a great weekend. Time with friends Saturday. Time with family Sunday. I almost forgot I was sick, but was reminded when new levels of exhaustion hit me last night. 

Put it this way: Busy Day Tired < Pregnancy Tired < Terrible Twos Tired < Cancer Tired

But what's coming soon -- in 16 days -- is Chemo Tired. I'm scared. The doctor told me to expect extreme fatigue, flu-like body aches, tingly fingers, memory loss, and hair loss (sadly even my eyelashes, but on the bright side no legs to shave.) The one side effect I was looking forward to -- weight loss -- is no longer a side effect. The doctor broke the good/bad news to me: "Anti-nausea meds are so good now, people actually gain weight on chemo." Ugh.

People tell me, "Everyone responds differently. Wait and see." I know they're right, but it's small comfort. No one has ever said, "Chemo is a breeze. You'll enjoy it." The fact is side effects are looming like a Georgia thunder cloud. 

And what's even scarier? "Micro-metastasis." The reason we're doing chemo -- in case the cancer has reached my liver, lungs, or bones. It's unlikely, but I've learned not to take their concerns lightly. 

So, yes. I'm scared. Very scared. And I know I'm not the only one. You're scared, too, about the unknowns in your life. 

  • Will I ever find a job?
  • Can we make it to pay day?
  • What if something is wrong with my child?
  • What do you mean you don't love me anymore?
  • Will I ever be able to live sober?
  • What is this world coming to?

Years ago in a small group, I embraced the following activity. "If ______________, then God."* (Simply write out the statement and fill in the blank with whatever scares you.) The idea is that no matter what happens -- even if your greatest fear comes to reality -- then God will be faithful. Let me encourage you that if you embrace this activity, too, your anxiety will lessen. Why? Because He IS faithful. He WILL provide. He WILL strengthen you. He WILL comfort you. He WILL redeem any situation. Even if death is your fear, He will be there to embrace you on the other side. The beauty and glory of heaven await.

So even though I'm scared, I'm trusting God. I hope you will, too.  Write this down, "If ___________________, then God." How will you fill in the blank?

Love,
Emily

"Now may the Lord of Peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all."  2 Thessalonians 3:16




Enjoy this video, and remember, always listen for the Father's voice.



My medical fund can be found on a YouCaring site. Any small donation is a big blessing. 

* After some research, I think this formula came from Beth Moore's study on Esther. I can't remember for sure, but I definitely recommend that study!

1 comment:

  1. God's got this and you have an amazing support team!!!! Praying for you daily :)

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