Comments. Questions. Only words. But oh how they hurt. After I cried a bucket, I tried to comfort them with the only affirmations I could muster: "I will get healthy and get better. (Lord, please.) I will look like myself again. I AM still your mom, and I love you no matter what the cancer medicine is doing to me... my appearance... my personality..." But what I wanted to say was something entirely different because their comments had cut me to my core...
What I wanted to say was something like: "Am I not the same woman who gave you life? Am I not the one who comes to your rescue with every sneeze, scrape, disappointment, and fall from your scooter? Do I not wake you every morning with a smile and a kiss? Comb the tangles from your hair? Grapple my way through your wretched homework? Try to infuse fun (for you, little ingrates) into my every exhausted moment? YES, I AM THE SAME!!! I may look different (and I sometimes act different -- thank you, abrupt medical menopause), but I am still your mom and I still love you... you little $#!7s."
|And here I was getting excited that I had hair... Can't please everybody.|
But grace. Oh but grace. We mere humans. Through my tears, God whispered something straight to my heart today. "I see you. I know you. You're still MINE. And I love you. And you're beautiful. I will never NOT know you! To me you are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow because I made you! You will always be mine. I treasure you... NO MATTER WHAT."
Do you ever struggle to remember who you are? Have you gotten so far removed from your former self that you barely recognize the person in the mirror? Is it addiction? Is it a relationship, a job, or a lifestyle that no longer fits? Is it a wandering --- so far, so long --- that you can't remember who you used to be? Do you miss that person?
Rest easy tonight, dear one, that God, the Father of the Universe, remembers you. Whether you acknowledge Him or commune with Him or not, He knows YOU. He loves YOU. He sees YOU. When everyone else wonders "Hey, what ever happened to so-and-so?," He says, "Oh, she's over here. You see her now? She's mine. And she's alright by me. She's simply beautiful. And what I did in her life I can do in yours."
Do you know my Jesus? I pray you do. Because on days like today when someone unintentionally (or intentionally) breaks your heart, there He is to heal it. Oh the grace...
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. - Psalm 34:18
P.S. If you don't know Jesus and you want to talk matters of faith, I'd love to hear from you. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.