Monday, February 29, 2016

Aftermath

I was crying and drinking way too much coffee for 8 pm. Not my idea of a relaxing Saturday night. But that's how life is these days. Trying to slow down. Trying to rev up. Struggling to decide which needs to happen when. Struggling.

It's easy to feel alone in the aftermath of cancer. I'm still trying to figure out how to relate to this new person I've become. And honestly, I don't always like this new me. Everything -- from how I look, to how my clothes fit, to how I sleep, to how I think, to how I feel, to how I manage stress, to what I eat -- has changed. I expected cancer to be hard. I wasn't prepared for the after-cancer part to be hard, too. 

Before you chastise me for my ingratitude -- after all, God healed me... He HEALED me! -- let me assure you my praise continues. Every day I thank God for my life and for how far I've come. What exhausts me is how far I still have to go. 

I know you can relate to dealing with an aftermath of your own.

  • The funeral ends, and everyone goes home.
  • The divorce is final, and the kids spend their first weekend away.
  • The business fails, and it's time to clear out and close down.
  • The treatment program concludes, and it's just you and your longings alone in the dark.

And there you are -- looking in the mirror and asking yourself questions like:

  • Who am I now?
  • Where do I go from here?
  • Will I ever feel like "me" again?
  • How do I do this now without fill in the blank?

And then you hear His voice speak to your soul. "I'm still here. I haven't changed. And I'm all you need. The person you see in the mirror is the person I need you to be. You're here for a reason. And I'm not done with you yet... Trust Me for what happens next."

Thank you, Jesus, for healing my past, for sustaining my present, and for arranging my future. Be encouraged, friends. When all else is gone, one thing remains -- His unending, unconditional LOVE.



Let Our Praises Rise, 
The New Emily

"One of the greatest evidences of God’s love to those that love him is, to send them afflictions, with grace to bear them." - John Wesley

2 comments:

  1. Ah, yes. The "aftermath." I'm still dealing with mine. Stay strong, Em. XOXO

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  2. This post spoke the words on my heart for 10+ years. Thank you, again....for being you, for being an instrument of the Lord, for being a beloved sister in Christ.

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